3 Weeks

It's been three weeks since I last told someone I loved them.


Not a huge span of time by any means. I'm sure there are some poor souls who go their lifetimes without having the opportunity or the ability to speak or hear those words. But for me, who used to send daily affirmations to my significant other, the time has been painful.


She was never a cuddly or demonstrative spouse. I was the one to write poems or stories or to do things that in my mind showed I loved her. I was the one in the initial stages of our relationship that struggled with how to show feelings or how to show someone you loved them. I think I echo my father in that regard. My parents were never big on public displays of affection. Having lived through depressions and the death of family members as children maybe takes some of the "spark" out of people. But as a child I remember that my dad was the work horse. If he ever had a day off my father would wash the car, or mow the lawn, or paint a room, or do something


The reason I like authors like Robertson Davies is that I find him what I call an "honest" writer. Something I have neither the skill nor the temperament to become. His characters have flaws to illustrate the human stain and make them relatable. I'm to afraid of what posting some of my stories might do to my reputation, whatever state that is in at any given time. Stories reveal some of the mindset of the writer, but sometimes things are done ironically or satirically, but what if the sentiment of the author is distorted or warped to fit someone else's narrative? What if the reader just doesn't "get it"? If I write about killing black people, will it be read as a moving story that holds up a mirror to the current state of race relations in our country, or will it just be seen that I want to kill black people?