Vanishing

I'm not sure when it was that I started to fade. If I had to pick a time it would be just after I started working for Novartis. That's as far back as I can remember when I used to have the "courage of my convictions". Whether right or wrong, I had beliefs and I would defend them if needed.
I'm not talking about literally vanishing, but it was the beginning of the erosion that would leave me not remembering who I was or what I stood for.
I suppose, to be ridiculous, I should give an example that illustrates my point.
Most well-wishing people begin with a premise. let's say, I hate smoking. To voice that opinion then becomes offensive to smokers. Sure, they made a choice, but perhaps they were poorly educated, or perhaps they were to susceptible to peer pressure, or perhaps they are just to stupid to realize what they started before they got hooked. Whatever the reason, my opinion of them is now considered invalidated, narrow minded and politically incorrect. So by this logic, ANY opinion is automatically invalidated. No matter who you are or what you believe there are those who believe the opposite. And if EVREYONE's opinion is to be respected equally, then no one's opinion holds any merit.
Now for the ridiculous part...
Let's look at another opinion. Let's say... Hitler. That all Jews are evil and they are an inferior species etc. etc. Is he right? Why does the same amount of tolerance apply? If everyone's opinion is valid, so is Hitler's. If Hitler's opinion is NOT valid, then the premise fails and we begin to see that only some people's opinions are relevant and that at some point your opinion is considered so "fringe" that it can be dismissed. Of course Hitler is not right. But in the spirit of Kum-By-Yah don't all opinions matter?
I used to have opinions. I used to fell one way or another about lots of things but it seems that every time I open my mouth I get told I am wrong, or intolerant, or negative.
My sister in law won't vaccinate her child because is it "dangerous" and her opinion is to be respected and tolerated. She will, however, do "tapping" on family members to cure diseases as well as "Reiki healing" which uses the body's own life energy to heal sickness and disease in others. It's right out of using the Force in Star Wars. She tried it on my son when he visited a while ago. My son is a healthy skeptic and basically tried not to laugh while she waved her hands over him for 20 minutes (She is, apparently, a Reiki "Master" for only $19.95 and a few online courses.).


I know it sounds far fetched. But if Reiki is supposed to be respected, then so is Hitler.
I, however, in forming my own opinion, find Reiki a ridiculous gimmick that sucks in the same stupid people who are into homeopathy and crystal healing. It has no basis in science and only "really works if the person believes it will". Well... science works whether you believe in it or not.
Novartis was the first place I had to listen to feedback if I wanted to keep my job. Apparently I was abrasive, negative, politically incorrect etc. So I had to look inward and change. Self-awareness is rarely good-news but I liked my job and wanted to change for the better.
Then came Campbell River BC. One of the first places I travelled to on the company dime. We had our morning meetings and everyone was leaving for lunches and excursions and such for the rest of the day. My boss asked me to take the phones, which was my job, and return messages. I stood at the phone booth and watched as the last car pulled out of the complex. The silence was overwhelming. Novartis was big enough that we had taken over the whole complex at this resort so when that last van pulled away there were not even employees visible. So I checked messages, got to listen to clients bitch at me for an hour, then ate lunch alone. Forgotten.
Then, later in the year, another truth became apparent. If I didn't like someone, it was my fault for not developing the relationship. However, if someone else didn't like me, THAT was also my fault for not developing the relationship. I couldn't win.