Who Dis?

Imagine a scenario in which a man already has a compromised self-image. Already thinks of himself as unimportant, unremarkable, unloved, worthless, alone. Thinks of himself as the family “nigger”, partially because of the response that word generates in the mind of himself and others and partly because it reflects the level of servitude he feels his own guilt inspires.

A man who often wishes to write, but the catharsis of writing is always juxtaposed to the risk of putting any naked thoughts out for the world to see, and judge.

 

Imagine that man tries to get past it one day. Wonders if it is simply a chemical imbalance in the brain that is preventing him from being happy. If he can just motivate himself to develop new habits, develop new bonds, he can get past it.

 

"I know!", he thinks, "I'll call that lady I met at the LLL lunch a while back”. They met for a coffee after the lunch and shared life stories, or as much as people ever want someone new to know at first. After the coffee they even hooked up once. She was sexy and met him at the door in a leather skirt and long gloves, a favorite of his.  She was a lot of fun and they seemed to hit it off.

 

He drives close to her house almost every day on his way to the park where he walk his dogs. “I'll send her an e-mail and see if she wants to maybe have a little more fun". It felt good to make a positive step in the right direction for getting out of his shell.

 

The email is sent. Short, concise, not even overtly sexual. Just a quick "Hello" to: "See if you're enjoying the summer", with the obvious suggestion of a repeat liaison left unspoken. Don’t want to appear too eager. He signs it with his full name and wonders if, or how long, he’ll have to wait for a response and if she will wear the same outfit as last time.

 

The next morning he wakes to see a response already waiting in my inbox. She must have had a god a time as he did!

 

"Sorry, who is this?”




Now take that same person. He again decides to put himself at risk by asking others to appreciate things that he appreciates. Wearing his heart on his sleeve as it were. This time, he orders tickets to a Pink Floyd tribute show. Not expensive, but more than just a movie ticket as far as cost. 2 tickets in hand, he asks his son to go with him and the son agrees! Very exciting.
The night of the concert the son decides he would rather stay in his room and play video games so the man goes alone. Not just alone, but in a nearly sold out crowd, and with tickets near the front of the stage, by about 30 minutes into the show he finds himself with an almost perfect circle of empty seats around him. In front, behind, and to either side is completely empty for at least 2 seats worth in any direction.